anxiety spree

I've barely touched my camera over the past couple of weeks.  We've been so busy with house details, then stepping on a piece of glass several days ago ended my plans for a nice weekend hike.  I've been spending a lot of time at home, trying to relax. The house deal is not done, which creates quite a bit of anxiety for me.  Lap cats to the rescue!!

What I'm feeling right now is, unfortunately, very familiar.  I've always been prone to anxiety.  I grew up in a very tumultuous household and was on prescription Zantac for a 'nervous stomach' by junior high.  Back then, I suffered from extreme nausea, insomnia, and frequent vomiting.  All of my friends knew that I needed a book or a stack of magazines if I stayed the night, because I'd certainly be up with my 'tender tum' at some uncomfortably early hour.  I did a lot of traveling in college, but I paid the price with pre-travel nausea so severe that I could barely stand (thankfully, it disappeared as soon as the actual travel began).  As I've gotten older, my anxiety has changed.  I don't get nauseous any more, but I feel constantly "sped up."  My hands are like blocks of ice, and if I remain in this state for too long, I will develop a migraine. I become an indiscriminate and mindless eater, sometimes gaining up to ten pounds during any given particularly anxious month.  I become even more tied to the comfort of my home, my pets, and my routine. 

This is exactly what's happening now.  As I wait impatiently to find out whether we get our farm, I've been feeling jittery.  I wake up every morning at 4 a.m., no matter what time I go to bed.  I graze constantly (5 pounds gained in the past 2 weeks).  I hate leaving the house, preferring to hole up and zone out.  I alternate between obsessively planning house details, spending hours agonizing over paint minutiae (is Silver Satin too cold?  Is Classic Gray too beige?)  and watching hours of mindless T.V./reading much-loved 'comfort books' that aren't too taxing (Twilight, I'm looking at you!). Ah, anxiety.  The good news is that we should have an answer by April 1st.  Until then, I'm in my stretchy pants, trying to keep a soothing routine going.  A little outside time...

And plenty of comfortable inside time with a couple of cats that are very familiar with the concept of relaxing!

Hopefully I will have some GOOD NEWS soon!