setting the stage for average

I have a confession to make:  I'm a quitter.  My past is littered with ambitious projects that ultimately never got off the ground.  Mutilated first chapters of short stories, edited relentlessly and then shoved away in disgust.  Huge piles of rubber stamps, which somehow never assembled themselves into Hallmark-quality greeting cards.  Nature journals, ripped to shreds after my first feeble attempts to sketch a cardinal. I approach ideas with great zeal:  I make lists, spend days or weeks assembling information, and then organizing it in a pleasing way.  I clear a spot in my day and in my office to work, pick up a tool, and then freeze.  You see, I'm a perfectionist, and it's really, really difficult for a perfectionist to see a flawed output. I feel overwhelmed, or disgusted with my initial scribblings.  In my mind, I know that it's rare to try something new and be instantly great at it.  I know that "practice makes perfect."  But it's hard to break old habits, even though that my photography, my quilting, my sewing, my writing, and all other hobbies are seriously affected by my inability to get better through real practice and learning.

Enter watercolors.  I've always loved their look, but my little efforts have looked like something created in an elementary school art class.  However, the desire to learn and practice perseverance has been growing for several years, and I decided to put it into practice by taking an online watercolor class.

I hated it.

I was terrible at mixing colors.  I added too much, or not enough water.  My teardrops looked like circles, and my straight lines were fat and uneven.  "You should just donate these supplies," I told myself, but every few days, I picked up my brushes with resignation and submitted to another class.  After a couple of weeks, I was shocked to see that my leaf shapes were starting to look like leaves!

before and after

"Let's make a peony, step by step," the instructor said, and suddenly my feeble splotches started to assemble themselves into something recognizable.

It wasn't perfect, or even close.  But it's something that I COULD NOT DO three weeks ago.

I still dread watercolor lessons, because it's a constant struggle against my discouraged - and discouraging - inner voice.  But I'm doing it anyway.  My goal this year is to EMBRACE BEING AVERAGE.

(The classes are free on youtube:  Jenna Rainey)

Even my knitting has been affected by perfectionism.  I'd start a project and work for a while, get hung up on a technique or a less-than-desired output, and ball it up.  I frogged so many old projects last year, but this year, I really wanted to keep it going.  Kate Davies' Funchal Moebius was a great project for this.  FIFTY-FIVE INCHES of tube-shaped stranded knitting.  "Your tension is off!  It's going to be puckered!!" my inner voice shouted, but I doggedly kept knitting round after round.  When the monotony got to me,  I picked up another - very quick - project: a bulky-weight hat for a friend.

It was really nice to go from two skeins of skinny, fiddly yarn to one big, thick strand.  I finished it in two days...

...and went right back to Funchal Moebius.  Perseverance!!

And...it's finished.

All fifty-five inches!  All I need to do is join the two open ends together.  I shrank back yesterday from such a complicated graft, but I knew it was my old perfectionist demon poking:  "That is never going to be a tidy, even join.  It's going to be bulky and obvious."  I set daily mini-goals for this:  today, I will prep it for joining and do a few stitches.  Tomorrow, I'll do another few inches of join.  Repeat, repeat.  No hurry and no bother if it's clunky.  Baby steps!  Every time I complete something, regardless of the quality, it's a huge victory for me.  I've already started another project:

It's a warm worsted-weight shawl (Almina on Ravelry).  The pattern is challenging, but not too challenging.  I splurged on some delicious, pillowy-soft Malabrigo Rios yarn in a silvery colorway that has subtle lavender highlights.  It's such a joy to work with!  Note to self:  when I decide to go grey, subtle lavender highlights are a must.

It's cold here, but no real snow yet.  We'll get an occasional dusting...

...but it will be gone in a few hours.  The pumpkins have started to crack in the constant freeze-thaw cycle, but it looks beautiful.

Claudia is as fat and wriggling as a grub worm from her extra winter feedings.  Sometimes she slips into the barn with us while I pack orders, usually settling into an inconvenient place.  She's so sweet, though, that I can't be too irritated!

She's got a cushy set-up in our garage for nighttime, too.

It's been so quiet outside.  The front pond is frozen and I haven't seen any minks or muskrats.  I spotted a rabbit feeding last week in the very early hours...

...but our outdoor activity right now is pretty much birds and only birds! 

We're hunkering down, working on the business, keeping our two indoor cats separated with an unwieldy system of baby gates, and enjoying cozy nights by the fire.  It's been a pretty nice year so far. It turns out that low expectations + embracing your average-ness = a less stressful life!  

Have a great week!  

Genghis Khan's Garden

Indiana has sometimes been accused of having a rather unpredictable spring - that we can go from extreme cold temperatures to pretty warm ones, without the pleasant middle ground that makes spring so nice.  That may be the case sometimes, but not this year.  We've had a delightful long, cool spring, and looking ahead at highs in the high 60s next week, I see that it's not over yet!  This cool, wet weather is great for bringing out the wildflowers, like these Virginia Bluebells...

...and flowering trees, like redbuds.

The road to the farm is lined with them!

Work is slowly moving on at the house.  Just taking down the close, dark curtains that were in the living room opens it up and makes it look bigger and brighter.

After a week of work, the living room is painted, and so are the kitchen baseboards.  Meanwhile, I've been feeling like a kid in a candy store as I peruse and order wallpaper samples right and left.  Wallpaper, where have you been all my life? 

I've had to do a little yard work too.  I joked to Todd that we inherited Genghis Khan's garden, because it's chock-full of invaders.  Vinca, violets, but by far the worst is mint.  They all spread by underground runners and are near impossible to eradicate.  Mint, in particular, has long, deep, woody runners that mightily resist persistent tugs.

I dug up several large clumps...

...and planted them in a large wooden planter by the side of the house.  The planter will contain those nefarious roots, and I'll still get to use the mint.  Win win! 

Some good news in the front beds:  the massive bleeding heart in the center has re-seeded!  It's surrounded by 'babies' and I will dig them up in about a week and transplant them to other locations.  With the columbine and spring bulbs, it will look amazing in a couple of years!

I know there's a wealth of insect and animal life at the farm, but I just haven't had time to do much exploring.  I did see a really interesting moth on the back screen door.

No one is quite sure why the abdomen curls up, but some think that the curl is for mating purposes, or perhaps part of its camouflage.  I've seen several other interesting moths and hopefully I'll have time to get some photos later.

Lots of these around too!

I'm absolutely loving the front yard tree.  It looks totally different, depending on where you're standing.  So beautiful!

It's nice to make progress at the property, but it's REALLY nice to come home to a comfy couch and our sweet kittens. 

Have a great week!

same spouse, different house

After weeks of waiting...a protracted negotiation period due to inspections, double inspections, and triple inspections...we finally have the definitive word.  The farm is ours!  Although, like the process, the closing period is unusually long, we should take possession by the end of April.  At last.

When considering a house purchase, we had to make some hard decisions.  Our house in South Carolina was about 4,000 square feet.  Too big for us, and hassle to clean.  Goal for new house?  SMALL.  This house fits the bill at about 1,600 square feet.  It's just enough space.  We each have a large portion of personal space (I have two bedrooms upstairs for my office/craft space and Todd has the mother-in-law apartment).  We still have a guest room that will double as a T.V. room/den.  There is no wasted space in this house, which is first for us both. 

One compromise made was a little difficult.  Our house in South Carolina was full of windows, many of them wall-length.  The guest bedroom had a whole wall of glass and we had a beautiful sunroom.  I love light and fresh air, so it was perfect.

The new house does not have this feature.  Two house-length overhanging porches on either side are picturesque and provide great shade, but they also keep out the sun.  The inside of the house is fairly dim.

This has made repainting a challenge. I'm absolutely terrible at interior design, but I've been doing a lot of reading lately.  White paint in a dim room = dingy.  I don't like bold colors, and whenever I have chosen more muted blues and greens, they've always ended up too pastel or bland (every single bedroom and bathroom I've ever painted).  I've decided to go with a very soft grey for the interior, going up and down a shade as I go room to room.  After watching too many British interior design shows, I fell in love with the idea of a wallpapered feature wall in the bathroom.  At first I decided to go with a muted William Morris print, which pairs perfectly with Benjamin Moore's Silver Satin, the color I've chosen for the living room.

It's a pretty pattern but a bit sedate.  Like with fabric, I'm drawn more lively prints.  I've been looking at nursery wallpaper for days.  Some really fun ones!

So who knows what we'll end up with? 

We've traded in spacious and light-filled for compact and a bit dim, but the property itself makes up for this, I think.  We absolutely love the quiet.  We were visiting last week and sitting on the long front porch, which overlooks the pond. 

Fish were jumping, birds were singing, horses from the neighbor's farm were grazing at the edge of the fence - it was absolute joy.  I felt a physical sense of peace - my body just sank into the chair in complete relaxation.  I haven't felt that in a long time. 

The back pond is 3 - 5 acres.

We're planning on clearing the brush and setting up a little seating area by the water's edge, just like we had in South Carolina.  A winding path through the field eventually will lead here.

We walked the property last week...

...and found a stream with a waterfall.  The stream is in a pure limestone bed.  Future plans include cutting back the brambles and making a nice walking path.

The barns are in good condition and fairly new, but the grounds are kind of a mess.  The homeowner got rid of her animals a few years ago and kind of let this area go. 

Pretty grim, right?  The good news is that the chicken coop in the middle can easily be shored up and painted, the junk has been hauled away, and the barns are in great shape.  Just needs a good mow and a lot of flowers!  :)

We've got similar beautification plans for the house.  Paint the rusty trim a bright green, like our house in South Carolina.  And I've had other ideas: 

The side yard is a delightful blank slate.

This year, I'm going to add a trellis for climbing roses...

...and build a fire pit area, based on the plans in this link. 

From this center, I'm going to expand outward, making paths and cottage garden-style beds.  It's a huge project, but an enjoyable one. 

So we've given up a lot, but I think we're getting a lot.  We're excited to get our hands on this place and, as Todd likes to say, tear into it like a monkey on a cupcake!  A lot of work but a lot of joy.  Stay tuned! 

the humble crumble

It's been a whirl of weather weirdness here over the past week.  We've gone from warmer temps and heavy morning fog...

...to torrential rain and flooding.

These photos were taken by residents all around town earlier this week.  The water level came up, the water level went down, and then...snow.

It's pretty typical for a late Indiana weather, but it's kept us inside for the past week or so.  When 'regular' work is done, I've been working on puzzles...aided by the cats.

They are wonderful 'helpers,' at least in their own minds!  When not trampling on puzzles and dragging pieces all over the living room, they've been fighting to get into my lap.  Having clingy cats is pretty amazing. 

They're pretty spoiled, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Another indoor activity I've been getting into a little bit more lately is knitting.  I'm working on replicating a sweater I knitted for my sister-in-law a few years ago.  Here is hers...

I'm making mine a little differently, mainly by shortening the cardigan a little bit (I prefer a 22" length) and leaving out the pockets.  Knitted fabric is already so stretchy, and it seems like thrusting hands in knitted pockets, in a knitted garment, is just asking for the garment to be stretched out of shape.  I've also moved the arm cables.  In the original, they are off-center, more on the back of the arm.  I've relocated them to come over the top of the shoulder.

I only knit for a few minutes a day, but I'm trying to be more disciplined about it.

I've also started an (online) watercolor class!  I fell in love with watercolor-illustrated nature journals years ago and always wanted to make my own, but I have a complete and total lack of natural talent.  Turns out that watercolor is incredibly forgiving and that using a light board allows you to trace a photograph, relieving the awkward sketcher of the need to do a reasonable replication. 

My light board is in storage, but I'm going to work on the basics when I have a few free minutes.  I'm really enjoying it.

I've also been doing a little bit of baking, a rarity for me in this really cramped space.  Todd brought home a massive bag of frozen blueberries from Costco and I wasn't quite sure what to do with them.  Then I thought:  blueberry crumble!  I found an amazing "crumble for two" recipe and I've made it several times.  Any small dish will do.  I just used the 6" x 4" dish that I've been using for a spoon rest on the stove.  It's not too sweet, and I've substituted whole wheat flour for all-purpose and raw honey for part of the sugar without sacrificing taste.

Hopefully the weather will moderate soon and we can get back on the trails again, but these indoor activities are a pretty pleasant way to fill a little free time.

Have a great week!