anxiety spree

I've barely touched my camera over the past couple of weeks.  We've been so busy with house details, then stepping on a piece of glass several days ago ended my plans for a nice weekend hike.  I've been spending a lot of time at home, trying to relax. The house deal is not done, which creates quite a bit of anxiety for me.  Lap cats to the rescue!!

What I'm feeling right now is, unfortunately, very familiar.  I've always been prone to anxiety.  I grew up in a very tumultuous household and was on prescription Zantac for a 'nervous stomach' by junior high.  Back then, I suffered from extreme nausea, insomnia, and frequent vomiting.  All of my friends knew that I needed a book or a stack of magazines if I stayed the night, because I'd certainly be up with my 'tender tum' at some uncomfortably early hour.  I did a lot of traveling in college, but I paid the price with pre-travel nausea so severe that I could barely stand (thankfully, it disappeared as soon as the actual travel began).  As I've gotten older, my anxiety has changed.  I don't get nauseous any more, but I feel constantly "sped up."  My hands are like blocks of ice, and if I remain in this state for too long, I will develop a migraine. I become an indiscriminate and mindless eater, sometimes gaining up to ten pounds during any given particularly anxious month.  I become even more tied to the comfort of my home, my pets, and my routine. 

This is exactly what's happening now.  As I wait impatiently to find out whether we get our farm, I've been feeling jittery.  I wake up every morning at 4 a.m., no matter what time I go to bed.  I graze constantly (5 pounds gained in the past 2 weeks).  I hate leaving the house, preferring to hole up and zone out.  I alternate between obsessively planning house details, spending hours agonizing over paint minutiae (is Silver Satin too cold?  Is Classic Gray too beige?)  and watching hours of mindless T.V./reading much-loved 'comfort books' that aren't too taxing (Twilight, I'm looking at you!). Ah, anxiety.  The good news is that we should have an answer by April 1st.  Until then, I'm in my stretchy pants, trying to keep a soothing routine going.  A little outside time...

And plenty of comfortable inside time with a couple of cats that are very familiar with the concept of relaxing!

Hopefully I will have some GOOD NEWS soon! 

red wing sing

As Brad Pitt says in Interview with a Vampire, "That morning I was not yet a vampire, but I saw my last sunrise."  I haven't been bitten by one of the undead, but I am an unfortunate victim of Daylight Savings Time.  Saturday's gorgeous sunrise was the last one I'll see...for a while.

Now it's pitch dark when I go to the gym at 5:30 a.m. and pitch dark when I leave an hour or so later.  It's too bad, but in about a month we'll gain enough sunlight for me to start seeing these beauties again.  Meanwhile, I'll have to content myself with later-morning shots.

Spring is definitely coming.  Buds are popping out on trees all over...

...and patches of green grass for Borga to nibble on.

Ah, a nice shake in the sun!

Bulbs are shooting up everywhere.  I can't wait to see what happens after this week's warm spell!

I'm just too distracted to take notice of most of what's happening around me.  We're under contract to buy a farm just north of town, and everything seems so precarious as we fumble through inspection negotiations.  I don't want to post too much about it because it's not (yet!) our farm, but I did get a couple of pretty shots of the 2 ponds on the property.  A small one in front, but still big enough for paddle boating:

And a multi-acre pond at the back of the property: quiet, isolated, and perfect for a small reading bench or a quick jaunt with our kayaks.

I try not to get to emotionally attached to the property, but I'm already tossing around names.  One thing that struck me immediately at our first viewing was the noisy chatter of birds.  The farm is out in the country and surrounded by other farms, and it's gloriously private and still.  Except for the birds!  Sparrow, woodpeckers, chickadees, and the loudest of all:  red-wing blackbirds.  I'm especially fond of them because there are so many at Eagle Creek, my favorite place to hike.  Seeing them perch on the reeds around the front pond, preening in the sun and singing, seemed like a good omen.  Now I'm thinking, Blackbird Acres?  Little Blackbird Farm?  No, those aren't quite right.  I'm sure that the right one will come.  The house has a long front porch that overlooks the pond.  After nine months in a temporary apartment, I can't imagine being able to sit outside without hearing loud music, pounding basketballs, screaming kids, blaring T.Vs., and revving engines.  It will just be us and the blackbirds.  Heavenly.

Hopefully next week will bring some positive news!

hair today, gone tomorrow

One year ago, we were experiencing our last South Carolina spring.  The magnolias were blooming...

Peonies were shooting up, all bulbs were flowering, redbuds showing color...

...our front azaleas were really getting into the spirit of things, too.

This morning in Indiana, however, it was 6 degrees when I got up at 5 a.m. to work out.  Snow, snow, snow.

I still love it.  I love my sweaters, my cozy quilts, my knitted socks.  But I'm growing a little weary of 5 a.m. window scrapes and frigid dashes from my car in yoga pants, so I will admit to a certain excitement about the coming spring.  And I saw my first sign of it this weekend!

This is only the beginning.  When South Carolina me was burned out on heat by June, we'll just be getting started here in Indiana.  I'm looking forward to the change of season.  And I'm still loving those amazing sunrises...different every day!

In the frigid temps, I'm less likely to be out on the trails than I would be in early winter.  Instead, to alleviate the stress of the home-buying process (details to follow if inspection goes well!) and to reward myself for my patience, I've been shopping.  I've picked up a few things that I'm pretty excited about!

First, a vintage marigold-colored rain coat from the '70s.  I paid $9 for it, but I would've paid a whole lot more.  I love the color and the swingy vintage fit. 

I picked up this wooden tray with little ceramic dishes at a flea market.  The tray can be stained, and wheat grass planted in the little containers.  It grows like crazy and it's a really fun thing to keep as a centerpiece on a seasonal table.

Later, they can be used for shallow-rooted plants like succulents.  Two bucks!

I also treated myself to a fabric splurge.  Tilda is a Norwegian fabric company that make some pretty amazing lines.  Alas, I missed out on some of their earlier fabrics, since I wasn't sewing when they were released and lines tend to not be re-released after initial production.  This is Spring Lake (sigh...so dreamy...):

...and these are Cabbage Rose and Memory Lane pre-cut packs.  Nice cheerful colors!

I bought several fat quarters from their Apple Butter line.  Note the mustard color in the middle...my favorite! 

I think it will be so beautiful with cream-colored fabric. I can't wait to break out my machine!

A month or so ago, I asked Todd to grow a beard.  I was just curious what he'd look like with one.  After a while, it got a little bushy...he didn't like it and I didn't either.  He shaved it off, but not without me taking photos of the progression.  Note to self:  a mustache is never, ever an option!  Option #2, what I call "The Commander Riker" (from Star Trek), is my choice.  But I think he might be bare-faced until next winter! 

We're both really busy in these early spring days, preparing for an upcoming toy show and going through the preliminary stages of a real estate purchase.  Hopefully we'll have some great news about a farm property soon. 

Have a great week!